What is the meaning of all this?

The last four days of my life have been hell. I mean total and utter hell. I feel like I'm losing control of my life. All I ever experience is either serious depression or anxiety. No one understands what it's like to live through two rare cancers. And the only person I can talk to about it is causing my fear of recurrence to be that much worse!!! To live through two rare cancers and still have to deal with debilitating depression/anxiety seems like a cruel joke, really.